Grief and Bereavement

Why and how do counseling professionals aid in this process...

grief bereavement

For those experiencing the death of a close friend or loved one, using the word cope almost seems like an insult, especially since the word “cope” is used to describe a multitude of less painful, everyday experiences.

Yet death is the number one stressor in life. It’s the most devastating experience that many will ever go through. Trying to describe the coping process about such a traumatic event leaves many of us at a loss for words - or specifically a loss for the correct words.

To better understand the process of coping with death, psychology professionals define two important terms to help people through this painful experience. These terms are grief and bereavement.

Grief

Blanket – generalized - statements about how individuals handle grief are simply nonexistent. Because everyone handles grief differently, grief is as unique as individuals themselves.

Sometimes the grief process begins in the doctor’s office or hospital at the first sign of a tumor or terminal illness. Grief is simply the realization that a loved one is going to die, whatever the timeframe. When you begin to react emotionally to the fact that a person you are close to is going to die, you begin to grieve.

Depending on the specific situation, an individual’s emotions will span the wide range of all human emotions, from hope to hopelessness. This is to be expected.

Also depending on the relationship, an individual who realizes that the death of a loved one is imminent might begin to take steps to repair arguments or disagreements that occurred in the past. Or they might decide to spend more time with a dying relative or friend, re-establishing a close relationship. During this time, the sharing and expressing of thoughts and love will take place.

Unexpected deaths are especially difficult. There is no time to adjust emotionally to the fact that a loved one is going to die. That doesn’t mean that those who have time to mourn will have an easier time with death. But the time to emotionally prepare for a death is less of a shock to loved ones.

An unexpected death can bring comfort if, for example, an elderly person dies in his or her sleep, or extreme anger if a child dies from violence or suicide. But regardless of the situation, the amount of time for an anticipated death, or the circumstances, a grieving process will certainly follow.

Living with Grief

While there aren’t systematic reactions to death, allowing oneself to grieve is essential. Letting grief take its course is what psychologists label effective coping. Grief is painful, and as with other forms of pain, there are ways of coping that are healthier than others.

Healthy Habits

The following is a list of healthy ways to live with grief, summarized from the Mental Health America website:

  • Find supportive friends and relatives who will let you express your grief.
  • Eat well, exercise, and get proper sleep. Do not rely on medications, alcohol or drugs to numb your pain.
  • Try and not focus exclusively on the past. Try and find happiness in present, everyday moments.
  • Don’t make major changes, such as job changes, remarrying, or having another child until you have given yourself enough time to properly grieve.
  • Don’t expect a sudden end to grief. Major losses take months and sometimes years to fully accept.
  • Get help if needed. If getting over a death seems impossible, and you notice prolonged depression or other problematic symptoms and behaviors, seek out counseling. (see article on Grief Counseling.)

Bereavement

Bereavement literally means to be deprived of a loved one through a profound absence – especially due to the loved one’s death. In our society today, it generally refers to the period after death, a time when mourning takes place.

Mourning takes on different meanings depending on cultural and family customs, rituals, and religious beliefs. Mourning traditions might include church services or memorial services honoring the deceased, gatherings to celebrate the life of the deceased, or a number of other cultural traditions celebrated by diverse communities.

The time spent mourning and in bereavement depends on many factors, including how attached a person was to the deceased, the amount of time spent anticipating the death, and the circumstances surrounding the death. Again, there isn’t a set period of time or linear progression of mourning and bereavement.

Bereavement has also come to mean the time spent grieving, or the various stages of grief (see article on Stages of Grief).

Bereavement and mourning are actually healthy expressions of grief. If death is denied or avoided, it will turn into other problems, such as depression or substance abuse and addiction. Physical illnesses also can develop when denial takes place.

Mourning and bereavement are often used interchangeably, but whatever the context, the two terms denote the practices that individuals have practiced for centuries to cope with the death of a loved one.

Find out how you can become involved in helping those who have suffered a loss by becoming a mental health counselor or therapist. Request information from schools offering degree programs in mental health counseling. Also, learn more about the psychology career licensing processes and what the requirements for licensure are: Psychology Career Licensure.

Helping Children Cope With Loss, Death and Grief

The National Association of School Psychologists developed tips for teachers, parents, and other caregivers to guide children experiencing the loss of parents, friends, or other loved ones. The following is a summary taken from one of the Association’s guides:

  • Let children express themselves, telling others about their losses. Be a good listener, and teach other children how to be good listeners.
  • Children come from diverse backgrounds, cultures, religious beliefs and family situations. Each child has a unique view of death based on many factors, and children in different age groups comprehend concepts of death and loss differently.
  • Just as adults process grief differently, so do children. They progress through the process at different rates, and don’t follow a linear progression from beginning to end. The road to resuming normal activities will differ for each child, and pressuring a child to simply re-enter daily life and activities without taking time to properly grieve can lead to other problems.
  • Children need to be told the truth, and know when adults are falsifying information. Not telling a child the truth also prevents them from developing healthy coping skills for life’s future losses and problems.
  • Children must have information about death given to them at a level that they understand. For example, a grade-school child will need different information than an adolescent. They also need to be able to ask questions, have them answered properly, and directed to resources for more information.
  • Empathize with the child experiencing loss. Children know the difference between authentic caring and compassion and superficial displays of concern.
  • Children who have loss significant others such as parents often need ongoing support and multiple types of support from different individuals and organizations.
  • Even though children appear more resilient at times than adults, grief is as difficult for them as adults.
  • Consider your own need to grieve. Completely focusing on the child’s needs and ignoring your own leads to more complicated issues. Adults who haven’t addressed their own emotional lack the inner resources to support their children.