Grief Counseling
Learn how counselors are helping people to better deal with their grief ...
After losing relatives or loved ones to death, all individuals go through a grief and bereavement process, but without any “one” process dominating or becoming the right or correct way to grieve. It’s a deeply personal, individual experience, and above all else, grief counseling recognizes the unique nature of recovering from a loss.
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Grief has a singular nature but also includes common characteristics. For example, some individuals go through a period of numbness, or they feel anger or sadness. Many have intense crying spells. Appetite can be affected, either with overeating or undereating, and sleep often suffers.
But what makes the grief process unique is how individuals cope with these emotions and behaviors. For instance, some individuals will cry a lot, while others a little or not at all. Simply because someone is not crying does not mean that he or she isn’t grieving, or not able to cope with the grief. While crying is a healthy coping pattern for some, it’s not for others. And for some, constant crying becomes problematic.
However if individuals want to cry but cannot - a sign of possible coping problems - grief counseling helps. Also, individuals that feel as if grief has overtaken their lives, preventing them from performing well at work or completing their normal, everyday tasks and obligations, grief counseling provides support and guidance.
And those who are turning to unhealthy behaviors such as drugs or alcohol, or feeling so depressed that they can’t get started in the morning, or having thoughts of suicide, grief counseling becomes a necessity.
Personalized counseling
Poetry as grief therapy
People dealing with grief from the loss of a loved one find many ways to cope. Psychologists suggest expressing emotions of grief in order to deal with the overwhelming feelings of sadness, isolation, loneliness, anger, and disappointment. Mourners express these feelings through talking, letter writing, prayer, blogging, and oftentimes through poetry. Many hospitals and hospices offer poetry therapy groups. And it can be a regular part of both group and private grief counseling.
Read more about Poetry as Grief Therapy.
A counselor will tailor grief counseling to the individual needs of each client. A number of factors determine the extent of grief, such as the relationship of the individual to the deceased, the amount of time the individual had to prepare for the death, and the personality and background of the individual.
Some individuals, for example, are unable to find ways to express their grief. The counseling session in this case might revolve around having the individual journal, or even write a letter to the deceased.
If the inability to find expression includes an feelings of meaninglessness, counseling can encourage rituals, rituals that provide a link to the deceased. For instance, the counselor will encourage the individual to perform activities that the individual did with the loved one, such as tree trimming at Christmas, making a favorite meal that they shared together, or perhaps kissing a photograph each morning of the loved one. These rituals give the individual the sense that the person is not forgotten, and is, in a symbolic way, still with the individual.
Rituals are also used as commemorations, such as bringing flowers to a graveside, or attending a Veterans event, or religious service. Both rituals and commemorations bring back meaning to those who are questioning life’s purpose.
For individuals experiencing numbness or shock concerning the death, their everyday functioning can be seriously impaired. Counseling will focus on behavioral techniques to help the individual process the death. This often involves patient, active listening on the part of the counselor, reframing statements and concerns – getting the individual to open up and share their feelings in a safe and compassionate environment.
An important component of grief counseling is helping individuals recognize that whatever they’re feeling or not feeling is acceptable. Validation for those in grief is reassuring because grief can leave individuals feeling alone and overwhelmed.
Counseling also helps individuals organize their daily activities, including work and family responsibilities, prioritizing tasks so that individuals begin to regain a sense of routine and purpose in their lives.
If the behaviors following a death become especially problematic, resulting in eating disorders, alcohol or drug abuse, or suicidal tendencies, a referral to other mental health specialists, support groups, and doctors is often necessary.
Understanding grieving styles
Once individuals begin to understand how to process their grief, either through expression or taking concrete actions – or both – grief counseling helps prepare individuals for living without the loved one.
It was once thought that grieving occurred in a linear or step-by-step process. Recent research has disproved this belief, pointing instead to a lifetime of managing grief. Counseling now stresses that individuals don’t simply get over a loss but learn how to live with the loss. In death, nearly all areas of survivors’ lives go through transitions, and learning how to effectively adapt to those transitions often requires suggestions and strategies from a counselor.
Grief counseling teaches individuals how to move on with life, accepting and coping with loss while demonstrating the importance of rituals and remembrances that maintain memories of those they’ve lost.
If you desire to help individuals with tough situations such as grief and bereavement, consider a career in mental health counseling.
For more information on programs in counseling that will prepare you to practice grief counseling, contact schools offering degrees in mental health counseling or psychology schools.
Resources for those dealing with grief
No one should feel unsupported when grieving the loss of a loved one. In today’s age, it is easier than ever to find resources for help, and to reach out for help. Whether at a school, hospital, church, peer support group, online, or in counseling and therapy, resources for grievers are plentiful.
Here are a few places to start:
Books: Your local bookstore, library, amazon.com, all offer dozens of titles on grief. You will find books written on specific types of grief, such as the grief suffered after loss of a friend, or experienced after a traumatic death. Most of these books can be read in part as you need them, or cover-to-cover, providing coping advice and skills throughout the grief process.
While hundreds of useful books exist on the topic of grief, here are a few to consider:
- “On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler
- “I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One” by Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D.
- “Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul: Stories About Life, Death and Overcoming the Loss of a Loved One” by Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield
- “When A Friend Dies: A Book For Teens About Grieving & Healing” by Marilyn E. Gootman
Blogs: Reading the blogs listed below allow grievers to feel they are not alone, to share stories, read poetry, be inspired to carry on, share in others’ sadness, and take comfort from their words. Just be aware that you are reading people’s opinions and the information is not vetted by any governing body or healthcare organization.
A few examples of blogs dealing with grief:
Websites: The web is full of resources for grievers. If you are looking for answers about medical conditions, statistics, grieving strategies, or trying to find a support group in your area, the web is an endless source of information. Many grief websites are geared toward people with specific types of loss, such as from a certain disease, age group, or cause of death. Look out for people trying to sell you things. Ask yourself who is sending the message and what might their agenda be. Look for websites following the Health on the Net Foundation (HON) Code of Conduct; The American Medical Association’s (AMA) Guidelines for Medical & Health Information on the Internet; and the eHealth Code of Ethics.
Following are a couple reliable websites for grievers to serve as a starting place: